We have answered some of the most frequently asked questions about family violence. Please note, contact details are for Aotearoa New Zealand. You will need to Google appropriate services and phone numbers for other countries.

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What if I hear something that worries/scares me?

If it sounds like someone is at risk – and you are not sure, call the Police and allow them to make the decision:

• Someone is being hurt, yelling for help, crying, or it sounds like someone is being hurt - Call the Police on 111, if you can do so safely.

• There is an argument, and someone is threatening to hurt someone – Call the Police on 111, if you can do so safely.

• There is an argument, and you can hear things being smashed – Call the Police on 111, if you can do so safely.

• There is a heated argument that sounds concerning – Call the Police on 111, if you can do so safely.

• Call the Police on 105 if something has happened and there is no immediate risk of harm to anyone, and no one has been hurt. 

 

What if I am scared for my own safety/retaliation and am worried about reporting the incident?

• Your safety is the priority.

• Do not do anything that will place you in harm’s way.

• Ask the 111 call taker at Police to keep your name confidential.

• You do not have to disclose your name, but it would be helpful for the call taker.

 

We need to be the voice of our victims but never at the risk of your own safety.

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What if I cannot safely call Police?

Document/Record relevant information in case it may be needed or for you to take to Police:

• Address of episode.

• Time of episode.

• Any names you may hear "Get off me Bob".

• Sounds - threats, smashing, screaming, crying.

• Children present - crying, yelling.

• Brief timeline of main events.

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What do I say if someone tells me they are a victim of family violence?

• Believe them –- you may be shocked, but they will need to know you believe them. 

• Tell them no matter what you are there for them.

• Empathy – tell them you may not understand exactly how they feel, but you will do all you can to support them anyway.

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What do I do if someone tells me they are a victim of family violence, but not to tell anyone they have told you?

If there is risk of physical harm:

• Tell them that you will always be there, but if you feel that there is risk that they might be harmed, that you will have to call someone to let them know.
  THEN

• Work together to decide what would need to happen for you to report – make the rules together and your friend or whānau member will feel involved in the decision making. 

If there is no risk of physical harm:

• If there is no risk of anyone being physically harmed at that moment, keep a record with your friend or whānau member of what is talked about.

• Encourage your friend or whānau member to keep a diary at your house of all that is happening if she is not ready to report – this will really help her if she decides to report or apply for a protection order in the future.

 

Where can I find support services for family violence?

You don’t have to carry this alone. We encourage you to access supports from specialised family violence agencies. We have a list of support services in Aotearoa New Zealand here. You can also download a PDF copy of support agencies here.

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