Ask “Are you OK?” … and then what do you do? What if you are concerned about someone? What if you think someone might be experiencing coercive control in the context of family violence? Please take a moment to ask if they are ok.
How do we do this? Safely is the answer:
Ensure the person you think may be hurting your friend, whānau member, family member is not present.
Do your homework – enter the conversation with some resources, that can support and guide you and your person to get support. Go to either:
https://www.eclipsefamilyviolenceservices.co.nz/where-to-get-help which is a list of support agencies across Aotearoa, New Zealand
https://www.eclipsefamilyviolenceservices.co.nz/how-can-i-help which provides information, safety planning, questions to ask, how you can offer support, how to prepare, crisis and non-crisis response guidelines and even a safety planning template.
Remember that not all family violence and coercive control consists of visible injuries.
Some of the worst injuries we can sustain in family violence are those that are etched upon our hearts and soul. What I call our ‘Soul Wounds’.
Be gentle, be kind, be empathetic, be compassionate and be patient. Family violence and coercive control is terrifying, and the person you are supporting may not yet be able to reach out, or disclose to you.
Maybe even just say to your person something like – “you don’t need to tell me anything at all, if you are not ready, but just nod if thing are happening that hurt or upset you”.
ALWAYS remember to acknowledge the courage it takes to just to nod, or to acknowledge. Although they may seem like small steps to you, they are actually gigantic steps for your person.
Don’t measure success by big disclosure and action, measure success by having created a relationship of trust.
Debbs Murrays “Family Violence - Messages in a Minute” - #ImMeImFree
Please note that all ECLIPSE content, resource and concept is copywritten to ECLIPSE Family Violence Services, and cannot be replicated without permission. Please contact enquiries@eclipsefamilyviolenceservices.co.nz to discuss